New poll

See bottom of the page and cast your vote for BITBs EDA! (That's estimated date of arrival.)

Due date: Feb 4, 2009

Things to think about: Jackson was 15 days early, BITB is measuring closer to my gestation date than Jackson ever did (at the ultrasounds Jackson was 1.5 weeks ahead of my pregnancy week/day count and BITB was only 2 days ahead), the closest full moons are Jan. 10 and Feb. 9 (there are more babies are born around full moons than other times, Jackson was the day after one).

Braxton-Hicks in full effect

"Sometimes I feel like an idiot, occasionally I might feel smart, but usually I just am.

This little baby growing inside me, or rather the process of being the BITB Holder (as opposed to the Bucky Holder) causes me to feel like an idiot often. Not from the forgetfulness that is frequently occurring, nor the increased amount of spacing-out time that is taking place (really, sometimes I'm not all there), it is the fact that I experience Braxton-Hicks all the time.

Now this in itself shouldn't make me feel like an idiot. It's a natural process and as webmd.com says: 'These irregular uterine contractions are perfectly normal and may start to occur as early as the second trimester, although more commonly in the third trimester of pregnancy. They are your body's way of getting ready for the "real thing.". . .Braxton Hicks contractions can be described as tightening in the abdomen that comes and goes.'

Well, that's completely me. I get a tightening sensation that lasts anywhere from a split-second to half a minute. Sometimes it's just once, other times it occurs throughout the day. They are not painful, thankfully, just awkward feeling due to the tightening.

The "I'm an idiot" part comes into play with this because apparently I had Braxton-Hicks with Jackson too, but I was such a dope that I seriously thought it was the little baby just shifting it's weight or cutely pushing it's bottom against my stomach. I found out that those feelings were actually Braxton-Hicks when we went into the hospital after my water broke and the nurse asked if I felt 'that' contraction. I said, 'what, that's not a contraction, that's the baby shifting it's weight.' 'No, that's a contraction, dear.'

Idiot.

And so, when ever I feel them now I have to laugh at myself at how dumb I was the first time around. It's a simple reminder that you can't know everything, and that maybe naivete is a blissful thing, and that it's probably best for us to be occassionally humbled into feeling like an idiot throughout life.

Hopefully I'm a little smarter this time around, for BITBs sake . . ."
--Clare

Ahhhhhh

"Yesterday I treated myself royally. In honor of my upcoming birthday and utilizing the spa gift certificate my wonderful husband gave me last Christmas (yes, I know that was a while ago) I scheduled a prenatal massage for myself.

At this particular spa they will allow you to lay on your stomach/back until 22 weeks (with the support of special maternal bolsters and cut-out cushions). I was determined to receive my treatment before October when I turned 22 weeks and would have to lay on my side, something I didn’t think would be all that relaxing!

My special afternoon began with a foot soak to get me in the mood for relaxing, something that is difficult for a mom to achieve, especially one who is pregnant and one who can’t seem to forget about her to-do list!

Lemon water hydrated me, a plush robe comforted me, and soothing music attempted to put me in a state of Zen.

My massage therapist was a down-to-earth woman who instantaneously made me feel at ease and forget my chore list. Lavender with a hint of lemon and pine infused my nose and relaxed all my senses, complete calm overcame me.

Using Momma Mia products the massage therapist set out to relax all my aches and tense muscles that I didn’t even know were tight. After 50 minutes, I would have been happy with 50 minutes more, but was entering a state of euphoria (especially with the peppermint aroma therapy I received to complete the maternal massage) and could have easily fallen asleep.

After I forced myself to “come-to”, I was treated to a complimentary Swedish shower. I was skeptical that this would be anything special, but seeing as I was meeting up with some friends it would do me well to wash off the massage oils.

I tell you, that was the most amazing shower I’ve ever experienced: a large rain shower head and 12 jets of water to wash and soothe. Maybe that doesn’t sound like much in words, but I would advise anyone who gets a chance to experience one to take it! And to get a prenatal massage if you’re expecting. I might even consider another closer to my due date despite having to be on my side."
--Clare

First baby of the baby count is here!

"Pippin Garnet arrived Tuesday 9:28 AM EST! She is almost 4 pounds lighter than big brother Boden was which helped make for a safe and easy water birth for both Maija and Pippin. Dad Jeremy is just thrilled and said that they are even back home and getting used to their now being a family of four. Boden loves holding his baby sister, and when I called in my congratulations, was excited to go home and see her again. CONGRATULATIONS!"
--Clare

Strangest dream yet

"I had another pregnancy dream last night. I think I have had more since the last time I wrote of my dreams but this one was weird and memorable.

This dream seemed really long, but I am having difficulty remembering all of the little details. However, this is the basic story line:

I am in my bedroom (which is also a bit like a hospital room) and about to go into labor. My mom is there and I think maybe some doctors who are more blurs than anything. There is no pain in this dream, but it is a very hard labor.

I look to my left and there is one of my male cousins also giving birth. He is not having as difficult time as I am (and I’m totally perplexed by this since even in my dream I know it’s impossible for a male to give birth).

My baby is stuck in the birthing canal so the doctors had to do an episiotomy, twice. I wasn’t too thrilled with this either, especially since I then looked over to see my cousin give birth to a baby boy---easily!

I finally birth my baby and am told it’s a boy. “Are you sure?” I ask a little upset since apparently I knew I was having a girl (don’t know if this was intuition or ultrasound knowledge—and no, in real life we do not know) And also since the baby came out wearing a diaper I wondered how the doctors were able to tell the baby’s gender. I checked for myself and sure enough it was a little boy.

I woke up feeling completely confused and really out of it. I spent the rest of my early morning hours thinking about this dream and dreaming about this dream to make sure I could remember it all. It was just so bizarre!"--Clare

Linea negra

"Apparently all women have a linea alba, a white line that is relatively unnoticeable that runs down the center of the abdomen (belly button to pubic bone). During pregnancy this line is renamed the linea negra as it tends to turn dark with the increase in hormones. Generally it shows up around the 4th or 5th month.

My friend Maija (due 3 days ago . . .and waiting) and I were talking the other day and wondered if the linea negra can also be a tell-tale sign of the baby's gender. Both she and I had it in our first pregnancies, and we both had boys. She does not have it this time around and is due to give birth to a girl, any day now. I do not show a linea negra this time around either (proof that the gender voting pole is right?)

Maija also said that her sister-in-law never had the linea negra until her third pregnancy: a baby boy that time. I know of another woman who gave birth to a boy and most definitely had a linea negra. However, in speaking with Lisa, she did not have a linea negra with either of her pragnancies: one girl, one boy.

It is said that those with darker skin tones are more apt to have a darker line, but many fairer skinned moms have had the linea negra as well. Was it a sign of the baby's gender??? Anyone want to add their two cents on this one? I'm intrigued."
--Clare

FYI

Ultrasound is up . . . scroll down to the original posting.

Half way there!

"This is what babycenter.com has to say about my being at 20 weeks:

'Congratulations! You've hit the halfway mark in your pregnancy. The top of your uterus is about level with your belly button, and you've likely gained around 10 pounds.* Expect to gain another pound or so each week from now on. . . Make sure you're getting enough iron, a mineral that's used primarily to make hemoglobin (the part of your red blood cells that carries oxygen). During pregnancy, your body needs more iron to keep up with your expanding blood volume, as well as for your growing baby and the placenta.

'Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.)

'He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first soiled diaper (some babies pass meconium in the womb or during delivery).'

*I have not gained the 10 pounds they mentioned, but it'll come soon enough. I expect to see a big weight jump by my next appointment at 24 weeks."
--Clare

It's a baby boom

"I now believe that I know of 10 friends who are pregnant. I mentioned Claire before, who is pregnant with twins, so that makes a total of 12 babies including mine.

Of those babies I know of two girls: one is due this month to my friends Maija and Jeremy who's son Boden was born the September before Jackson, so these new babies will be exactly the same distance in months as our boys are; the other is due in October to a college friend in NY. I don't know if anyone else had found out their baby's gender but the due dates range from any day now (Maija) to Mayish.

That's a lot of pitter-pattering to come!"
--Clare

Survey says . . .

"So strangely enough, everyone on my side of the family who is willing to commit says that BITB is going to be a girl. They just "know it", "feel it", or their "intuition tells" them it's a girl.

My favorite is that my step-dad Jim is convinced, CONVINCED, BITB is a girl. He says he knew Jackson would be a boy and now knows this baby will be a girl. We ladies (my mom and sister and I) asked him how he's so sure . . . "I just know" he says.

"How do you know?" we ask.

"My intuition."

And I thought only women had intuition . . . He even proved his point by giving me two cute, more girl-y than not, baby outfits as birthday presents at the celebration my family gave me while I was in town.

My dad wont commit saying that either one will be a blessing, and I haven't had a chance to ask my brother. Ross just wont say (though he teases that he thinks it's a boy because we're again having trouble deciding on a boy's name). I have yet to poll Ross's side of the family, but now that I'm back in Tacoma I can show them all the ultrasound as ask their opinion."
--Clare

Beautiful in Black and White

"We had our ultrasound of BITB on September 9, at 18 weeks 6 days. It's a little earlier than usual, but still within the month time frame technicians like to use for measuring everything. We were excited to get an early view of BITB, plus I wanted the ultrasound pictures to take with me to show my family during my visit in St. Louis.

I picked Ross up from work, and we didn't have to wait very long before we were in the ultrasound room looking up at our baby. This viewing was more exciting for me than with Jackson only because I got to see the monitor screen the entire time. The room had one mounted up on the wall and Ross and I just relaxed and watched the show.

As soon as the radiology technician put the want to my stomach, we saw our baby. It was thrilling. There was an immediate profile shot, and we watched as BITB moved around. There was a leg, an arm, a hand resting on a shoulder . . . the face on shots are a bit startling as the baby looks very alien, but it was also neat to see the eyes, nose, mouth (jaw & teeth) that will continue to form into our second child.

I just marvled at the whole thing. There within me was a moving child, that I could see move and could literally count the toes of. I watched in amazement at his/her little heart beating, all four chambers moving in harmony to pump blood around, helping those little legs kick and those little arms flail.

Ross and I asked all sorts of stupid and sometimes intelligent questions about what we were seeing. It seemed like a more open atmosphere than what we experienced in D.C., but maybe we felt that way because this was the second time we've done this and we were more willing to talk openly about our little baby to the technician.

The entire process took just over an hour. The radiology technician was a very nice woman who talked so sweetly to BITB, trying to coax him/her into optimal position for organ and appendages viewing. BITB sure was a wiggler.

BITB isn't measuring too much more than my gestation date. I was at 18w6d and BITB was measuring between 19weeks, 2 or 3 days. Maybe this one will be more on time. There goes the double birthday!

After the ultrasound I had some blood work done. The end result of everything is that both baby and I look good and are healthy. We cannot wait to welcome this baby into our family!

I have my regular doctor appointment in a few days so I'm hoping to hear that I've finally gained some weight. I'm looking bigger every day."
--Clare

Exclusive first pictures of BITB

Here it is . . .

Sorry about the size, I am having trouble with this crazy scaning technology. I'm sure my kids will be so much smarting about these things than I, and this'll be embarassing in the future, but for now it's the best I can do.

In this picture you get a great profile shot, and can even see a tiny (and really tiny with the size of this pic) foot just above the belly.

We did not find out the gender so the surprise will be revealed come January/February 2009! Until then . . .

Night Owl

"BITB is a kicker. Really likes to tap dance away, especially around bedtime.

Tonight while Ross and I were talking in bed, BITB began to squirm about. Big Time. I lifted my shirt so Ross could talk to BITB since we know s/he was awake and Ross was almost kicked in the nose!

Just shy of 19 weeks, and we can see the jabs taking place! The only hard part for me was trying not to giggle too much because then the wiggling of my belly interfered with our seeing the baby movement. I had to lay completely still and slow my breathing and then in between the natural rise and fall of my stomach, we occasionally see a little bump-up of skin. Crazy.

First it was on the left side, then it moved around to the right. It really was funny. BITB is really active."
--Clare 9/9/08

VOTE!!!!

"The little gender vote tally at the bottom of this page is super cool. But more people need to vote. Are there only 10 people reading this blog? How sad. Give some love to BITB! Put your vote in today, I did! (I am so not a politician!)"
--Clare

The name game

"Tomorrow is our ultrasound and Ross has graciously indicated that he is fine with the fact that I still want to wait until birth before we know the gender of our child.

This is both scary and exciting. All the what-ifs: what if it’s a girl; what if it’s another boy?!; what if Jackson rejects a baby brother or a baby sister because he thinks he’s getting the other one . . .

And most importantly, what are we going to name this kid?

Baby name books scare me a bit because the quantity of names is too overwhelming to me. 10,000! Are you kidding me? Given too many choices, I can’t focus on anything. I knew for me, at least, we’d have to narrow our search down somehow and, being the traditionalist that I am, figured family names was still the easiest way to do so.

This was made even more obvious when Ross and I were joking around the other day with the baby name book and randomly picked a few out. Ross would flip through the paged until I said stop, and then he’s close his eyes, point to one and reveal the future name of BITB! We came up with Shy and Tevin. I don’t think we’ll use either one.

To narrow down the options, but still provide plenty of names for us to choose from and play around with, I attempted to broaden our scope by diving further and wider into our respective family trees. I’m happy to say there are some very cool names I wouldn’t have thought of otherwise that we can now add to the list of choices. There are also some very funky names that I am not even sure how to pronounce! I think we will both be satisfied with the name we choose for BITB just as much as we both were in naming Jackson."
--Clare

Attack of the baby brain

"There have been a few incidents of late that make me think my mind is going, but most definitely lets me know I can no longer multitask.

As a mom of a toddler, you would think that multitasking was a way of life. EVERYTHING is multitasking: getting dressed, doing chores, making dinner, even playing. All these things occur while something else is being accomplished. Playing Bob the Builder while folding laundry while creating a grocery list in my head has become second nature. I am mother, watch me do.

And then I became pregnant. And then I started making little “mistakes” in my tasks. Leaving clothes in the wash for two days; having to go to the store three times in one day because I kept forgetting things; wearing my slippers to a meeting.

I’m getting distracted; I’m getting a “baby brain” again.

Yesterday I was getting lunch ready when the phone rang. No big deal, I can talk and make my quesadilla at the same time. It’s very easy really. Tortilla, cheese and chicken, fold in half, place on cookie sheet in oven on broil, and remove in 2 or so minutes when the tortilla starts browning.

All went well: good conversation on the phone, lots of cheese in the tortilla, popped it in the oven, shut the door, and continued chatting. Then somehow, something inside me told me to open the oven door again.

FLAMES! All over my quesadilla! “I’ve just set my house on fire!” I exclaimed into the phone, “I’ve got to go!”

I grabbed a pot holder (at least I had my wits about to do that!) and pulled our charred lunch out of the oven. The flames died down just in time for the smoke detectors to go off. I turned off the broiler, opened the door and two windows, turned on the stove exhaust and sadly stared at what would have been a lovely lunch. Sigh.

And yes, I immediately realized that one never shuts the oven door when broiling, especially in a very old oven. Phoning and cooking together are done. And keep me away from any heavy machinery, who knows what I’m capable of now. Do not operated while pregnant."
--Clare

How I size up

"I wanted to do a little photo comparison from last month to this, as well as what I looked like at approximately the same gestation with Jackson.

September 2008, 18 weeks:


August 2008, around 14 weeks:


September 1, 2005, "Bucky" at around 19 weeks gestation:


I think I'm getting my pregnancy belly at around the same rate. I still haven't gained weight myself, and I didn't until closer to month 5 for Jackson. However I then gained and gained and gained each month. I guess that's the POP! A lot of people still can't tell I'm pregnant, which is slightly sad for me. I am very anxious to start looking pregnant, call me crazy. I'm dying to have my belly all big with child, I think it really invigorates me.

Something else that will jazz me up about this pregnancy is the fact that I have my ultrasound set up for the 9th right before I head to St. Louis for a long weekend. I'm excited to show my family BITB's first photographs."
--Clare

How BITB sizes up

"18 weeks today and I just wanted to share with everyone the fun “size chart” that is used for describing the baby growing in my belly.

For some reason, and maybe I touched upon this with the Bucky Blog (I can’t recall), food items are used for size comparisons. It makes for a good visual, but also skews the situation since sometimes it’s based on weight and sometimes on shape, and really I don’t think a human fetus is ever theshape of an avocado. Maybe length or weight, but not shape; that would be one funny looking baby!

Weeks one through three are cellular and thus difficult to give an example of size. Week four starts the food chart off with the embryo being the size of a poppy seed. That’s small.

Week 5 – sesame seed
6 – Lentil bean
7 – Blueberry
8 – Kidney bean
9 – Grape
10 – Kumquat
11 – Fig
12 – Lime
13 – Medium Shrimp
14 – Lemon
15 – Apple
16 – Avocado
17 – Turnip (or rather weighs as much as)
18 – Bell Pepper (or rather the length of)

And now, what we have to look forward to, they get a little stranger from here on out:

19 – Heirloom Tomato
20 – Banana (or rather the length of)
21 – Carrot (length of)
22 – Spaghetti Squash (length of)
23 – Large Mango (weight of-one pound)
24 – Ear of Corn (length of-one foot long)
25 – Rutabaga (weight)
26 – English Hothouse Cucumber (length)
27 – Head of Cauliflower (weight)
28 – Chinese Cabbage (weight)
29 – Butternut Squash (weight)
30 – Cabbage (weight)
31 – 4 Naval Oranges (combined weight)
32 – Large Jicama (weight)
33 – Pineapple (weight-four pounds)
34- Cantaloupe (weight)
35 – Honeydew Melon (weight)
36 – Crenshaw Melon (weight)
37 – Swiss Chard (length)
38 – Leek (length)
39 – Mini Watermelon (weight-seven pounds)
40 – Small Pumpkin (weight)
And I don’t want to think about what’s after 40 weeks!"
--Clare 9/3/08

Another soccer player

"Though I thought I felt slight movement a week ago, I wasn’t entirely sure. However, I can safely say that it was true because today’s movements matched those of last week, just more pronounced and more frequent. This is a little later than last time, but my theory is that I’m more active and not sitting at a desk all day. OR maybe this baby is just “cooking” at a more “on-time” rate and will be born closer to the due date.

Back to the good stuff: BITB was definitely moving around this morning. It feels like when your stomach does a little drop on a roller coaster or from a quick bump in the road. However, there is actual pressure causing the drop sensation and not just gravity. Maybe it's like having a die (as in one dice) in your uterus that occasionally turns. The “kicks” are mostly on my right side, not too frequent or prolonged, but enough that when I notice it I have time to put my hand on my belly and feel it a few more times.

And tonight, while BITB was rolling around a bit I tried to get Ross to feel it. He placed his hand on my belly and twice asked, “Was that it?” I couldn’t rightly say because I didn’t feel anything myself. But then he said, “WOW!” in awe; both of us felt that one! BITB just wanted Daddy to join in the fun I guess."
--Clare 8/29/08

Dream three

"I had another dream last night. I was at my current state of pregnancy, 17 weeks, and I felt like I needed to nurse the baby. I was trying to decide if I should get the baby out of my uterus and nurse, or if it was too early and that would only cause me to start lactating. That was a strange one for sure!"

--Clare 8/22/08

Big brother in the making

"Get ready BITB, you’ve got a great big brother to watch over you!

Yesterday Jackson and I went up to West Seattle to visit my friend Kelly and her new baby, Dylan.

Over all, Jackson is interested in babies. I think something that is the size of Baby Doll, but obviously alive is quite thrilling to him. He doesn’t have to do so much imaginary play to interact with the baby.

A few cute things occurred during our visit. The first was Jackson wanting to read Dylan a book. We had given him one of our favorites “I Love You Through and Through” and Jackson wanted to make sure Dylan appreciated it as much as we do. He sat at the end of Dylan’s bouncy seat, opened the book and “read” as best he could the story. The pages are a little tricky for his small fingers to turn so it was a quick read.

Jackson also just stared at Dylan’s little toes. He loved how tiny they were and we named Dylan’s toes just as we name Jackson’s. (Jackson is in a phase where he’s understanding that there can be similar relationships between things that belong to different people, like Dylan’s toes CAN have the same names as Jackson’s toes but they are still Dylan’s toes. Another big thing right now is people relationships: Aunts and Uncles are Mommy & Daddy’s Sisters and Brothers, Grandparents are our Parents, etc. Jackson got a huge kick out of the fact that Aunt Emily’s fiancé Ryen will eventually be his Uncle Ryen, similar to Uncle John and Uncle Carl. But I’m getting off track here. . .)

During lunch time, Kelly had to let their dog Mable out so Jackson and I were left to watch over Dylan. Dylan, being 6 weeks old began to cry a little. Jackson said in a very tender voice, “It’s okay, Dylan, don’t cry.”

And when that didn’t satisfy Dylan, Jackson added, “Don’t cry, Baby Dylan, your Mommy’s just outside, she’s coming.”

I almost cried it was too cute. What a sweet, sweet boy we’ve got.

Now if we can guarantee he’ll be that lovely to BITB, and not have any jealousy, we’ll be just fine! "
--Clare 8/22/08

A change of pants, a change of view

"I love maternity pants. Seriously. They are the most comfortable things ever. I might even wear them regularly if I didn’t think people would laugh at me. I recall that last pregnancy I was a little distraught at the thought of elastic waist bands being in my life for the next 10 years, but now I see the beauty of them.

BITB is now the size of an avocado! Doesn’t seem big enough to warrant the maternity pants, but I was tired of having to unbutton every time I sat down."
--Clare 8/20/08

Building up the nest

"I just sent Ross and email with the amazing idea that we should purchase a chest freezer for the basement. . . .

He emailed back: Totally Nesting!

I think he might be right. Nesting is starting early, 15 weeks, this time around."
--Clare 8/19/08

Ohm

"Today I started up Prenatal Yoga again. I had been trying to use my in-home yoga video and just never felt the benefits I know I get from going to a yoga studio.

It was very hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I was going to be doing this myself and not with Lisa. It’s always nice to have a buddy. I miss that with this pregnancy.

My instructor is around my age and just had her second baby. We got along immediately. It helped me be a little less awkward about going it alone.

I thought often of Lisa this class, wanting to shoot her glances to see if she was thinking the same thing I was about the poses or the ambiance . . . sigh

When class ended I was very tired and was surprised to learn it was a 75 minute class and not the 45 minutes I was expecting. No wonder I was sore. But I think I’m going to sleep well tonight. I am looking forward to keeping up with my Sunday yoga class, even if I’m going by myself."
--Clare 8/17/08

Another dream

"Last night I had another dream. This one I remember.

I was alone in my room, a meshing of my childhood bedroom and our bedroom here, and gave birth. I looked around and wondered where everyone was.

Where’s Ross, why am I at home, I thought.

My baby was blue. Blue like a blueberry. But as he just laid there (this is when I found out it was a he), he slowly turned pink, starting from his toes and moving upwards. He was fine.

I then figured I had to name him something and decided on one of the names Ross and I had discussed. I wasn’t so sure I liked it, but woke up before I fully decided."
--Clare 8/13/08

Here come the waterworks . . .

"Emotions are in full swing now. It seems that all the “symptoms” of pregnancy are hitting me earlier this time (see future post about nesting as additional proof).

Example 1: Ross, Jackson and I went over to his parents house to have dinner and talk a little with his sister Emily and Ryen about the wedding they’re planning (yea). This was during the Olympics and we were all watching which ever event was on. During a break in the action, one of the announcers starting telling the story of the little boy who accompanied Yao Ming during the Opening Ceremonies:

A little boy, about 5 or 6 if I remember correctly, was one of the few surviving children from the school that collapsed in the recent Sichuan earthquake. He bravely pulled a fellow student out of the rubble, and then WENT BACK IN to try and pull out another student! When asked why he did so, he replied that he was the hall monitor.

Tears began streaming out of my eyes, and it was all I could do not to lose my composure in front of the entire family. Ross heard my sniffles and turned to ask if I was alright. When he saw me, he clearly recognized the sign that I was fighting against a flood of tears, and Ross asked again how I was in an effort to secretly tell me he understood and that it was okay to let go if I wanted.

That time I recovered, but knew next time I might not be so lucky.

Example 2: Ross, Jackson and I were sitting in the living room playing. I was on the couch and was suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to sob. I said Ross, I don’t know why, but I think I need to cry. There was absolutely nothing going on that was prompting me strong emotions that could open the flood gates, NOTHING.

Ross again assured me it was okay, but I kept strong since Jackson doesn’t do well when I cry. (He’s only seen it once after a fender-bender but went into hysterics himself when I couldn’t answer his question if I was okay through my tears.)

Example 3: Becky and I had been playing phone tag one Sunday and finally while Ross was putting Jackson to bed, she and I connected.

She had some news to share, and I waiting anxiously for it. Dave proposed that morning! Yippie! Yippie! Yippie!

I was so thrilled that I got a little choked up about it. So many questions swirled through my head: When? Where? What happened? How did he do it? Was there a ring? Did you cry? etc.

And then while she answered all my queries, I slowly felt myself fall apart. I finally lost it when Becky told me about the ring. It was Dave’s Grandmothers. She left it to Dave’s Mother. Dave’s Mother gave the ring to Dave before he even met Becky, just after a tough time in his life, and said “I know you’ll find a woman perfect for this ring.”

SOB SOB SOB SOB SOB

“Clare, are you crying?” Becky asked.

“Yes!” I managed to utter.

Since I couldn’t form words anymore and since Becky and Dave had a flight to make we hung up and I continued to cry. Ross was by this time back down stairs and just let me melt into him and release my tears.

I guess these examples all make more sense then the laughing to tears hysteria that happened when I was pregnant with Jackson (see Bucky Blog for that entry). Maybe I’m getting wiser to my emotional needs, or maybe I just can’t fight these feelings anymore . . ."
--Clare, mid-August

How we got to BITB

"Jackson is becoming a big boy: we took off the drop side of his crib to create a toddler bed; he began going to day care two mornings a week; and he knows that he’s going to be a big brother.

One day after nap time, Jackson and I were talking on the couch and he wanted to see my Jackson belly. I told him my Jackson belly is now only in pictures (he loves looking over our photo albums) but that I have a new baby belly growing.

We went over the fact that my Buddha belly is going to grow and grow (all bellies are Buddha bellies to him) and then one day he’ll go to Grammie and Bepa’s or maybe Grandmommy will come stay with him while Mommy and Daddy got to the hospital to have the baby.

We talked about bringing the baby home and what a baby does. That he can help us change and burp the baby. That the baby will cry and giggle and coo. Jackson was fairly interested in all of it. He kept asking to see the baby now.

I explained that it’s inside my belly and showed him my tummy. We talked about how we rub the belly (never hitting or poking), kiss the belly, even that we can give the belly raspberries. He is very good at that!

He got his Baby Doll and put it under my shirt, pretty neat to see him working on understanding everything. Then Jackson put Baby Doll under his shirt and walked around the living room. Too funny. I think Jackson is going to do well with the baby.

When asked what is in my belly, Jackson smiles and says “baby.”

When we say our evening prayer and bless all our family and friends, we end with “bless Jackson and bless baby in the belly”."
--Clare, early-August

Take two

"The beginning of August brought another wedding, this time for Ross’s long time friend Lance, who was a groomsman in our wedding so long ago. We were excited to have our own “romantic” get away. However due to the set up of the lodging, we shared a room with another couple (who were also anticipating their own special weekend). We all quickly recovered and laughed about it throughout the weekend.

While in the mountains around Leavenworth, WA, Ross and I attempted a “hike” with another couple just around the lodge grounds. Though it didn’t really turn into much of a hike, more like a steep trail in the hillside, I was having flash backs to our attempted hike in CO during my cousins wedding 3 years ago.

It took every ounce of strength to puff puff puff, pant pant pant my way up the hillside, yards behind the others. I told them there was no need to stop and wait for me since I’d just lag behind again as soon as we started up. The exercise was good for me, but maybe I should keep off the hiking trails while pregnant. I get out of it way less than I put forth to accomplish the task.

Lance and Steph’s wedding was simply wonderful, Ross did a great job as a groomsman, and I even got to dance with him!!! I think I need to get his high school buddies to come to all the weddings we go to so that I get to dance with Ross.

I’m very proud to say that I was able to stay up past my usual bed time by 2 hours, eventually leaving the wedding festivities at 11:30 PM. I’m such the party animal!"
--Clare, early-August

Romantice get-away, take one

"My lovely college friend Kim decided to get married in Hawaii (thanks again, Kim and Justin). In looking over the calendar months ago, it was decided that I alone would make the trip. Summer is a hot time at work for Ross, and it would not be a vacation for me if Jackson came along (no offence to Jackson, but a week in paradise is a little difficult to imagine dealing with dirty diapers and his adjusting to the time change all by myself).

Becky was also making the trip alone, so we decided to have our own “romantic” get away with each other and rented an amazing bungalow on the island of Kauai.

Due to some medication, Becky was not going to be able to partake in the libations available to celebrate Kim and Justin’s wedding. I used this knowledge to break my news to Becky back in July.

I said something along the lines of, “hey, Becky, you’re not the only one who won’t be drinking in Hawaii,” and just waited for the significance of the statement to sink in.

“What! You’re pregnant! Waahoo!” was pretty much her response.

We giggled and continued to plan ourselves a booze-free but FUN-filled Hawaiian vacation.

The vacation and wedding were a smash hit. The trip also rejuvenated my tired first trimester bones, and provided plenty of Vitamin D.

I wasn’t ready to return to real life, but was overjoyed at the sight of my husband and little boy picking me up at the SeaTac airport!"
--Clare, late-July

Let the dreaming begin!

"Sometime before the 21^st I believe I had my first pregnancy dream. I do not remember what it was about, but do remember waking knowing that I had just had a baby dream."
--Clare, mid-July

Three of a kind

"I have to do a little back tracking, I wish I had been a little more on top of recording things for this pregnancy from mid-July to mid-August, but well, no one’s perfect.

When Jackson and I returned from Charlevoix, July 6, we made a two night layover in Chicago to visit with Claire, Matt, Ellie & Noah Swanson. Claire and I went to camp together and both ended up marrying guys with ‘Swan’ last names! We also went through our pregnancies together. Claire had her twins, Ellie and Noah, 6 weeks after I had Jackson.

I was excited to share my news with Claire, and even more excited to hear that she and Matt were expecting again. The day Jackson and I left, they found out they are having twins again!!! How fun (and overwhelming) for them. They are just thrilled.

Jackson and I loved our visit. It was wonderful to see him play with Ellie and Noah, and for me to get to know these little ones. My two favorite moments were: the bus ride back from the Nature Museum where Ellie and Noah just couldn’t keep their eyes open, and taking the kids out to ice cream.We had such a wonderful time. Can't wait for the next round to get together!"
--Clare, mid-July

Adding to the baby count

"Last pregnancy I knew of 9 lady friends who were also pregnant. I think this time around might be just as many or even more. I know of 3 other gals due Jan/Feb, one in March with twins (most likely delivered in Jan/Feb) and one who is due in September."

--Clare 7/17/08

Zzzzzzzz

"I’m tired. Very very tired. I don’t remember being this tired my first trimester with Jackson, although I was only going to work and not running after a very energetic two-and-a-half year old. Nap time is now for everyone in this household."

--Clare 7/17/08

Will the trend continue?

"Double birthdays run in my family starting in my Grandmothers generations. My Grandmommy was a twin, then my Mom was born on her sister’s 3^rd birthday, I have twin cousins . . . so this generation being born is just waiting for that double birthday. And it just might be our number 2 who provides it.

Jackson’s due date was January 30^, 2006 but he was born on the 15^th. Baby 2 is due February 4, 2009 but possibly will come early as well. The 15^th perhaps? On big brother Jackson’s 3^rd birthday? I guess we’ll have to wait and see. All those double birthdays were for two girls, wonder if that means I'm going to have another boy to keep with the double gender/double birthday tradition?

Of course now that I’ve thought of this baby will probably be born on the 16^th or even into Feb.!"

--Clare 7/17/08

The rhythm of B ITB's heart, is beating like a drum

"I had a check up this morning (well a reschedule check up because last week Jackson got sick in the middle of my appointment and puked all over me, TWICE) to finally hear baby’s heart beat. My OB is out on maternity leave, having delivered her own son on the 12^th, so I met another doctor at my health center today. She told me that 11 weeks is still pretty early to find a heart beat and that it may take a while, but as soon as she put the Doppler wand to my belly we heard the waa-ooo-waa-ooo-waa-ooo of the heart. 170 beats per minute. Pretty good. Hearing the heartbeat makes this seem all the more real. We’re really going to have another baby."
--Clare 7/17/08

Baby count begins

"Up in Charlevoix enjoying Summer with my family. And the exciting thing is that I just learned a friend is due with her third at the same time I’m due!"
--Clare 7/1/08